Sunday, June 15, 2014

Jumping Back In: How to Score or not.

In online dating, at least the site I joined, there are various levels of connecting. I see them as levels of interest or not. How do you score a win? Here is my rather unscientific assessment.

Viewed your profile…okay but that doesn't mean you actually read it         0 points
Liked your picture… That's nice, but shallow     0 points
Send a "Flirt"…that's a click of a mouse      0 points
Liked your profile.. This implies you read it. Benefit of the doubt,      1 point.
Send a message (generic)…the verbal equivalent of the flirt. No thought, just a copy and paste feel. But requires slightly more effort than a flirt or a like so    1 point
Send a message (personal). Refer to something in my profile and ask a 
question about me.       3 points (1 for each part if this)

Again and again it is attention to detail, attention to the person. On the other hand, as a mature woman I am still hesitant to be overly "bold" even online. So I may like and sometimes be the first to send a comment. Yes I know, it's still a double standard. But at least I'm honest about it.

If you score, a conversation will begin on the site.

Please however, don't immediately give me your phone number in the second message. Part of the appeal of these sites is that you can chat back and forth in a private chat room. Again, it is a sad comment on the world we live in, that I will not exchange numbers until I have decided there are no overt signs that you are a stalker, scammer, serial killer or married.

Okay so he scored high, you got to the second round of messages, you're good to go, right?


I reported a man on the site as a scammer. This man messaged me and began to engage in a conversation. He claimed to be high-ranking officer in the US military based in Baghdad. But his written English was less than stellar particularly for such a high rank. He peppered me with questions, which since the red flags were starting to fly, I answered in generalities. He was cagey when I turned the questions back to him.

Google is a wonderful tool. I searched the name he had given and was led immediately to an online dating scammer site that had comments from quite a few women that mirrored my chat with this man to that point. The thread indicated that he ultimately was looking for money.

I called him out on it (although I was sure) and he feigned being offended. I blocked him and reported it along with the link to the scammer page to the webmasters for the dating site.

I am sure this is not the rule. And I did not cancel my profile, but this is social media and scamming scum are on every site. No different than the sleaze you may risk meeting in the 3D world.

So the caveat to this post, is even if on first blush, he scores (same for you gents when meeting ladies) do NOT jump in too quickly. A toe in the water is fine to start with.

Please be sure to visit the prior posts in this series.

Next week: Any success?    Writer Wednesday a review of Ivy Vines, Visions