Monday, June 30, 2014

Jumping Back In: Jameson, Burgers and Blarney

So when last we spoke, I had cancelled dinner with Dinner Guy because my father’s home health aide cancelled at the last moment. He was polite and supported taking care of Dad first. There was no indication of a follow-up from him. Hey, it’s online dating…next.

Then the following day, he messages to see how things went with my father and how about we try again on Monday.  So on Saturday I met diner guy for lunch and on Sunday, I met Starbucks Guy. To see how those went, see my previous blog.

Monday rolls around and I stop at my father’s place. The aide is supposed to be there at 5. 5:05 and no aide…not panicking. 5:10, 5:15…

This cannot be happening AGAIN. I’m supposed to meet him at 6:00 at a pub 30 minutes away.
5:19… I see what may be the new aide headed across the parking lot. Thank the universe it’s her. I make sure they are squared away and jet to my car. I text him, I’m on my way. I feel like the White Rabbit at this point….

He messages back that he is running a bit late and will be there by 6:15. I breathe a massive sigh of relief.

It’s a beautiful evening and town is packed even for a Monday. But we score a table outside and it’s 2 for 1 burger night and the burgers are great.  So Sean (Dinner guy needs a name at this point) is older than me and a widower for over two years. Hmmmm, note to self: If I am invited to his house check the basement and yard for anomalous mounds while holding tight to car keys. It is online dating afterall. No screening for serial killers that I could see,

Sean isn’t his real name. But his face is the map of Ireland. No surprise, both his parents came from Donegal. He is the baby of 13 and from the town next to the one I grew up in. He attended one of the corresponding boys’ high schools. The two towns had, back then, three all-girl high schools and three all-boy high schools. I used to go to dances at his high school but he had graduated by then.

Sean orders Jameson Whiskey (what a surprise) and I order a glass of wine. By the time the waitress has brought his first drink, he has charmed her socks off… we are in public after all. I’m already laughing. A bit if the Blarney, methinks.  It’s relaxed and downright comfortable.

Dinner was great and we sat on my front porch having a nightcap and talking for hours. But it was a work night so it was left at next time…

Potential? Or big brother?

And what happens to you when you have the confident glow that actually connecting with someone brings? There are other fish in the sea,,,right?

Later folks….. Places to go, people to see.

Sunday, June 22, 2014

Jumpin Back In: Diners, Starbucks and the Dinner That Wasn't

Jumpin Back In: Diners, Starbucks and the Dinner That Wasn't

So what happens when two profiles meet?
First there is the messaging back and forth hoping to find that next level of common interest and connection. All the while you are trying to determine if the person behind the profile is as advertised. If that happens and they are geographically desirable, you agree to meet for coffee (usually). I wonder if Starbucks measures it's participation in the online dating meet-up market? Sometimes it's a diner and sometimes it's dinner.
Ah, you say, she seems to have made some progress. Truth be told, I did. I have so far had an initial meeting with three different gentleman. All went acceptably well. One was at a diner, one at Starbucks and one was a rescheduled dinner in an outdoor café.
I had lunch with Diner Guy and it went reasonably well. No sparks, but pleasant. So when he invited me over to hang out with his neighbors, play horseshoes etc, I said okay. So I get there and the neighbors are on their way out to dinner. He was in the yard with their grown daughter. I'm thinking ooooookay, this is odd but we are outside and it's an easy dash to the car. About 30 minutes into this, a member of the local police shows up looking for the neighbor-wife as someone was being taken to the hospital and she needed to be there. Diner Guy asks if I want to take a ride to the restaurant they are at as she is not answering her cell. Duh…. I pass. In fact, I say that "this doesn't seem like a good time to do this" and head home. He texted an apology but that was too much oddness and drama for a first date.
Starbucks Guy was VERY friendly. Seemed very smart, business owner, overeager to impress I think. Showered me with too many compliments. Within 15 minutes he wanted to hold hands across the table. That just ended quietly. Fortunately, he left the ball in my court to initiate next contact. No chemistry and a bit of a turnoff.
So then there is Dinner Guy. We messaged and talked on the phone beyond frequently for at least two maybe three weeks. He invited me to meet him at a celebration for his son's birthday. Very tempting, we had been connecting wonderfully, but a family event as a first date was daunting even for a brave soul like me. So we agreed to meet two days later at a music event that I usually attend. I figured if it goes well all the better, if it doesn't I am in a familiar place.
The day arrives and I am truly looking forward to meeting face-to-face. At four o'clock my cell phone rings. It is the agency that my father's home health aide is hired through. She has had an emergency and beginning one hour from then she will not be at his house. They are trying to find coverage, but it is difficult. I am for this purpose an only child. So if an aide is not found, I'm it. I am to meet Dinner Guy at six. I go to my father's and after several phone calls and with a bit of a lump in my throat I had to tell him that we had to cancel. He was gracious and supportive stressing that Dad comes first and we left it at that.


More next week……..

If you missed the previous installments, scroll down.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Jumping Back In: How to Score or not.

In online dating, at least the site I joined, there are various levels of connecting. I see them as levels of interest or not. How do you score a win? Here is my rather unscientific assessment.

Viewed your profile…okay but that doesn't mean you actually read it         0 points
Liked your picture… That's nice, but shallow     0 points
Send a "Flirt"…that's a click of a mouse      0 points
Liked your profile.. This implies you read it. Benefit of the doubt,      1 point.
Send a message (generic)…the verbal equivalent of the flirt. No thought, just a copy and paste feel. But requires slightly more effort than a flirt or a like so    1 point
Send a message (personal). Refer to something in my profile and ask a 
question about me.       3 points (1 for each part if this)

Again and again it is attention to detail, attention to the person. On the other hand, as a mature woman I am still hesitant to be overly "bold" even online. So I may like and sometimes be the first to send a comment. Yes I know, it's still a double standard. But at least I'm honest about it.

If you score, a conversation will begin on the site.

Please however, don't immediately give me your phone number in the second message. Part of the appeal of these sites is that you can chat back and forth in a private chat room. Again, it is a sad comment on the world we live in, that I will not exchange numbers until I have decided there are no overt signs that you are a stalker, scammer, serial killer or married.

Okay so he scored high, you got to the second round of messages, you're good to go, right?


I reported a man on the site as a scammer. This man messaged me and began to engage in a conversation. He claimed to be high-ranking officer in the US military based in Baghdad. But his written English was less than stellar particularly for such a high rank. He peppered me with questions, which since the red flags were starting to fly, I answered in generalities. He was cagey when I turned the questions back to him.

Google is a wonderful tool. I searched the name he had given and was led immediately to an online dating scammer site that had comments from quite a few women that mirrored my chat with this man to that point. The thread indicated that he ultimately was looking for money.

I called him out on it (although I was sure) and he feigned being offended. I blocked him and reported it along with the link to the scammer page to the webmasters for the dating site.

I am sure this is not the rule. And I did not cancel my profile, but this is social media and scamming scum are on every site. No different than the sleaze you may risk meeting in the 3D world.

So the caveat to this post, is even if on first blush, he scores (same for you gents when meeting ladies) do NOT jump in too quickly. A toe in the water is fine to start with.

Please be sure to visit the prior posts in this series.

Next week: Any success?    Writer Wednesday a review of Ivy Vines, Visions 

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Jumping Back In: Pictures Worth a Thousand Words Even Selfies

So this is a day late and NO it's not because I scored a big date on the dating site. Although I have been introduced to one or two who look good on paper. And hey, GREAT for them for getting that far. It's not that I'm fussy. Sure you say, laughing and shaking your head.

I was at an amazing Jazz and Blues festival on the Jersey Shore all day. A terrific day of music, food, fun and friends!

Lots of pictures were taken, which brings me back to my original topic.


First, gentleman post one. Not being superficial here, but no picture makes me wonder what you are hiding or more importantly, WHO you are hiding from. Is that status of divorced, separated, or widowed to be trusted? Come one, none of us were born yesterday. Now posting a picture doesn't automatically get you a free pass on status, but not posting….RED FLAG.

Second, post a good RECENT picture of yourself. Yes we all may have gained a few pounds over the winter and we all wish we looked like we did when we were 30. But, truth in advertising saves you issues later. Again, if you meet that person in 3D at some point and their first thought is WOW, not what I expected. That will make them wonder, what else is not what they are expecting?

When you post a picture, make it a good one. Everyone has had a picture taken by a family member or friend that they liked, right? I know, I don't like most of the pictures taken of me EVER. But even I could find one or two that I thought weren't horrible.

Okay...maybe not that one.

No selfies in a mirror, or behind the wheel of your vehicle, or any other location.

Also, if you're opening lines say you are a happy fun-loving sort. For goodness sake, be sure you are smiling in your picture.

Again as an author and editor,  a good cover gets someone to pick up the book and open it to see if it's a keeper.

A good picture with a nice smile will make a person want to go to the next step and read that awesome and revealing profile you posted. You are revising it or even writing one now, I hope.

Jumping Back In #1                               Jumping Back In #2

Next week: The hierarchy of contact…the new first base!

Tuesday, June 3, 2014

Two-fer Tuesday: Sharing two blog links-- Men and Women and Travis McGee

In keeping with my last two posts, I was introduced to these links by a good friend and wanted to share. For those who have never "met" Travis McGee, I am including a brief portion of the Wikipedia entry:

Travis McGee is a fictional character, created by prolific American mystery writer John D. MacDonald. Unlike most detectives in crime fiction, McGee is neither a police officer nor a licensed private investigator; instead, he is a self-described "salvage consultant" who recovers others' property for a fee. McGee appeared in 21 novels, from The Deep Blue Good-by in 1964 to The Lonely Silver Rain in 1984. In 1980, the McGee novel The Green Ripper won the National Book Award.

Read and enjoy the following blogs from Raymond Bechard on the site The Good Men Project:

How to Lose a Guy Forever

How to Lose a Woman Forever

Comment on the blog or here and please feel free to share!