Sunday, June 22, 2014

Jumpin Back In: Diners, Starbucks and the Dinner That Wasn't

Jumpin Back In: Diners, Starbucks and the Dinner That Wasn't

So what happens when two profiles meet?
First there is the messaging back and forth hoping to find that next level of common interest and connection. All the while you are trying to determine if the person behind the profile is as advertised. If that happens and they are geographically desirable, you agree to meet for coffee (usually). I wonder if Starbucks measures it's participation in the online dating meet-up market? Sometimes it's a diner and sometimes it's dinner.
Ah, you say, she seems to have made some progress. Truth be told, I did. I have so far had an initial meeting with three different gentleman. All went acceptably well. One was at a diner, one at Starbucks and one was a rescheduled dinner in an outdoor café.
I had lunch with Diner Guy and it went reasonably well. No sparks, but pleasant. So when he invited me over to hang out with his neighbors, play horseshoes etc, I said okay. So I get there and the neighbors are on their way out to dinner. He was in the yard with their grown daughter. I'm thinking ooooookay, this is odd but we are outside and it's an easy dash to the car. About 30 minutes into this, a member of the local police shows up looking for the neighbor-wife as someone was being taken to the hospital and she needed to be there. Diner Guy asks if I want to take a ride to the restaurant they are at as she is not answering her cell. Duh…. I pass. In fact, I say that "this doesn't seem like a good time to do this" and head home. He texted an apology but that was too much oddness and drama for a first date.
Starbucks Guy was VERY friendly. Seemed very smart, business owner, overeager to impress I think. Showered me with too many compliments. Within 15 minutes he wanted to hold hands across the table. That just ended quietly. Fortunately, he left the ball in my court to initiate next contact. No chemistry and a bit of a turnoff.
So then there is Dinner Guy. We messaged and talked on the phone beyond frequently for at least two maybe three weeks. He invited me to meet him at a celebration for his son's birthday. Very tempting, we had been connecting wonderfully, but a family event as a first date was daunting even for a brave soul like me. So we agreed to meet two days later at a music event that I usually attend. I figured if it goes well all the better, if it doesn't I am in a familiar place.
The day arrives and I am truly looking forward to meeting face-to-face. At four o'clock my cell phone rings. It is the agency that my father's home health aide is hired through. She has had an emergency and beginning one hour from then she will not be at his house. They are trying to find coverage, but it is difficult. I am for this purpose an only child. So if an aide is not found, I'm it. I am to meet Dinner Guy at six. I go to my father's and after several phone calls and with a bit of a lump in my throat I had to tell him that we had to cancel. He was gracious and supportive stressing that Dad comes first and we left it at that.

Maybe.


More next week……..

If you missed the previous installments, scroll down.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

Jumping Back In: How to Score or not.



In online dating, at least the site I joined, there are various levels of connecting. I see them as levels of interest or not. How do you score a win? Here is my rather unscientific assessment.

Viewed your profile…okay but that doesn't mean you actually read it         0 points
Liked your picture… That's nice, but shallow     0 points
Send a "Flirt"…that's a click of a mouse      0 points
Liked your profile.. This implies you read it. Benefit of the doubt,      1 point.
Send a message (generic)…the verbal equivalent of the flirt. No thought, just a copy and paste feel. But requires slightly more effort than a flirt or a like so    1 point
Send a message (personal). Refer to something in my profile and ask a 
question about me.       3 points (1 for each part if this)









Again and again it is attention to detail, attention to the person. On the other hand, as a mature woman I am still hesitant to be overly "bold" even online. So I may like and sometimes be the first to send a comment. Yes I know, it's still a double standard. But at least I'm honest about it.

If you score, a conversation will begin on the site.

Please however, don't immediately give me your phone number in the second message. Part of the appeal of these sites is that you can chat back and forth in a private chat room. Again, it is a sad comment on the world we live in, that I will not exchange numbers until I have decided there are no overt signs that you are a stalker, scammer, serial killer or married.

Okay so he scored high, you got to the second round of messages, you're good to go, right?

Not necessarily: A MAJOR POINT DEDUCTION/PENALTY:






I reported a man on the site as a scammer. This man messaged me and began to engage in a conversation. He claimed to be high-ranking officer in the US military based in Baghdad. But his written English was less than stellar particularly for such a high rank. He peppered me with questions, which since the red flags were starting to fly, I answered in generalities. He was cagey when I turned the questions back to him.

Google is a wonderful tool. I searched the name he had given and was led immediately to an online dating scammer site that had comments from quite a few women that mirrored my chat with this man to that point. The thread indicated that he ultimately was looking for money.

I called him out on it (although I was sure) and he feigned being offended. I blocked him and reported it along with the link to the scammer page to the webmasters for the dating site.

I am sure this is not the rule. And I did not cancel my profile, but this is social media and scamming scum are on every site. No different than the sleaze you may risk meeting in the 3D world.

So the caveat to this post, is even if on first blush, he scores (same for you gents when meeting ladies) do NOT jump in too quickly. A toe in the water is fine to start with.

Please be sure to visit the prior posts in this series.


Next week: Any success?    Writer Wednesday a review of Ivy Vines, Visions 

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Jumping Back In: Pictures Worth a Thousand Words Even Selfies

So this is a day late and NO it's not because I scored a big date on the dating site. Although I have been introduced to one or two who look good on paper. And hey, GREAT for them for getting that far. It's not that I'm fussy. Sure you say, laughing and shaking your head.

I was at an amazing Jazz and Blues festival on the Jersey Shore all day. A terrific day of music, food, fun and friends!



Lots of pictures were taken, which brings me back to my original topic.

PICTURES!


First, gentleman post one. Not being superficial here, but no picture makes me wonder what you are hiding or more importantly, WHO you are hiding from. Is that status of divorced, separated, or widowed to be trusted? Come one, none of us were born yesterday. Now posting a picture doesn't automatically get you a free pass on status, but not posting….RED FLAG.

Second, post a good RECENT picture of yourself. Yes we all may have gained a few pounds over the winter and we all wish we looked like we did when we were 30. But, truth in advertising saves you issues later. Again, if you meet that person in 3D at some point and their first thought is WOW, not what I expected. That will make them wonder, what else is not what they are expecting?

When you post a picture, make it a good one. Everyone has had a picture taken by a family member or friend that they liked, right? I know, I don't like most of the pictures taken of me EVER. But even I could find one or two that I thought weren't horrible.


Okay...maybe not that one.

No selfies in a mirror, or behind the wheel of your vehicle, or any other location.

Also, if you're opening lines say you are a happy fun-loving sort. For goodness sake, be sure you are smiling in your picture.

Again as an author and editor,  a good cover gets someone to pick up the book and open it to see if it's a keeper.

A good picture with a nice smile will make a person want to go to the next step and read that awesome and revealing profile you posted. You are revising it or even writing one now, I hope.

Jumping Back In #1                               Jumping Back In #2

Next week: The hierarchy of contact…the new first base!