Sunday Selfie: Mayberry, Stone Pony and Publishing

The last few weeks have been busy. No such thing as the summer doldrums. Last year at this time I was out of work and actively hunting. In addition, I was using the time to expand my editing, writing and I hoped, at the time, my dream of helping others publish. I was socially active, hanging out with friends but not actively looking for anything more than friendship.

We talk of planting seeds and harvesting the fruits of that process. What we cannot totally control is when our activities will bear fruit.

I found a full-time job in February. It is interesting and the salary is adequate if I am careful with my pennies.

And now the seeds that were planted on the editing and publishing are beginning to sprout. I privately edited, edited for a small press house and for various websites and ezines including CrypticRock.com(music and horror movies—check it out)

In the last three weeks, I have begun lining up editors, cover artists and others. Working with an experienced attorney, we are drawing up contracts for authors and service. The next hurdle is the initial construction of the website. While no small feat, the tools currently available make it easier than it might have been a few years ago.

As I have told, several people, this is an exciting and scary time. I am both a writer and business person. I have spent decades in banking and finance and take a practical and conservative approach to launching a business. I take the responsibility to authors, readers and distribution channels seriously. One of the risks of any new business is letting our enthusiasm get ahead of us. One of my key roles is vision keeper and focus channeler.

I am dating a great guy who gets major points for accepting and supporting my writer/publisher dreams and activities. We also enjoy music together and were at Southside Johnny at The Stone Pony yesterday. It is also nice to sit on the front porch with him for an evening cocktail or morning coffee. He swears I live in Mayberry. 

Fun times.

No road is perfectly smooth, but I am enjoying the high points and working to do it right.  Enjoy the moments always!

If the publishing thing intrigues you…follow me and Three Worlds Productions on Facebook and message me.

Sunday Selfie: Mountains, Chemistry and Publishing

No I do not take selfies! I generally don’t like pictures of myself that others take so why would I take one of myself. But I have begun sharing on Sundays a piece of my life and thoughts, so instead of Jumping Back In (if you’ve followed those posts) I am re-titling these musings as Selfie Sunday.

I just finished watching Neil Gaiman’s 2012 Commencement Address at the University of the Arts in Philadelphia. If you have never watched it… do it right after you finish reading this blog (link at the end). If you’ve watched it before..watch it again.   His advice about when life gets complicated at the end it funny and priceless.

He says in the beginning that he never had a career, just a ride. People with careers have a plan know the rules and therefore what is possible and impossible. If you are along for the ride, improvising you are less likely to be held back because some rule says it’s impossible. You have your mountain and you're going to climb it and do things that take you one step closer to the mountaintop. 

That resonates with me, I have had jobs but never a career in the sense that my parents’ generation and others since then have viewed it. But it is a ride. I have been on Wall Street, banking, a teacher, owned a gourmet shop, and unemployed. I have been a deal maker, an administrative assistant, and now a CEO (shhh secret project underway). Not a career but a journey, each step along the way has brought me to where I am now.

A journey like this is not understood by everyone, but it’s not supposed to be. They have their own journey or career, however they choose to view it.

Journeys are exciting and scary. They often take on the attributes of chemical or nuclear reactions. In some chemical reactions, titration is required because after 99 drops of a reagent the 100^th drop, a mere drop, will trigger the ultimate reaction creating the end products. (For geeks like me, watch this video. You can fast forward to about the 2 minute mark). Chloride Titration

The difference between this chemical reaction and life is that the dramatic moment in the reaction is called an endpoint. In life I call that a beginning. In nuclear reactions there is critical mass, where once the right amount of a material is it goes from nothing to KABOOM and massive amounts of energy are created.

My dating journey is still early days. The last two week have been busy ones for Sean at work and more importantly with the final journey and passing of one of his sisters after a long battle. During these events, we have maintained contact even if it has been smiley faces and quick notes and hellos throughout the day and evening. Like titration, we are looking adding drop by drop to the process.

The momentum is building on the writing and publishing side, things are moving even faster than I could have imagined. One of my dreams from three years ago, is on the verge of exploding into reality. Watch for more news on this in the coming months. However if you are an editor, formatter, cover artist, copy editor or author get in touch and stay in touch.

Gaiman talks about the mountain. Publishing is that mountain for me. Not only to publish my own work, but that of others. If you know me, you know that I am a mentor and supporter at heart, particularly of the arts. I derive pleasure from the success of others especially if I think I played some small part in it.

And as he so wisely says enjoy the ride and make good art.

Oh and here's that link... Neil Gaiman Address 2012 

Jumping Back In: Romance, Writing, Curveballs and Nightmares

So a quiet week on the romance front…hey everyone needs a breather now and then. But I think (crosses fingers) that I may be able to get a routine going. My dad who was in the hospital for a month and then in a rehab facility for a month has been home for a month now and doing okay.

What can you say, he is 81 years old and 8 years into an emphysema diagnosis. Fifty years of smoking will do that. He has had two occurrences of aggressive sarcoma-type skin cancer that required lots of radiation. But things are stable and he has adjusted to his new normal.

Life always throws curveballs and the last two years has been replete with changes and curveballs. But I remain positive about the future.

Things are good at the day job and so far so good with Sean. I am chipping away at some home/personal to-dos that were pushed to the side.  I have turned my focus now to writing, editing and publishing. So many doors are appearing and will open that it is occasionally daunting. But that’s top secret stuff for now.

As a writer, my biggest dilemma is what to work on. During all the bumps and detours, I have accumulated a collection of projects in various states of development.  One is a full manuscript, Ogham Court that dates back to NaNoWriMo 2012. It is a great concept but writing that much in 30 days left a ton of edits to do.

It’s a paraquel to Dark Dealings. Then there is the beginnings of a sequel to Dark Dealings, tentatively titled Dark Moon.  It is in the plotting/slash writing stage but Dark Dealings screams to be followed up on.  There are two (or is it three) novellas that are in process and a sketch of a prequel to Dark Dealings floating in my head. Oh and then there is an erotica piece that may get published under a different name.

I need to pick no more than two projects and FOCUS. Ogham Court must be finished, I think. It has good bones and to have 60,000 words unpolished frustrates me and I think impedes progress on other fronts. I think despite the others being further along I must get the next part of Micaela’s (Dark Dealings) story out. 

Of course that’s what I think. We’ll see what the characters tell me to do. They can be so demanding sometimes. I won’t even think about the strange nightmarish dream I had that when I described it to Sean he said…. Another novel? As I said, he has potential.

How do you handle multiple projects/priorities in any area of your life: creative, job, home, wherever?

And if you are wondering who Sean is or what the romance angle thing is... check out the other Jumping Back In posts and all the rest of the posts here too .

Jumping Back In: Confidence, Auras, Law of Attraction in Dating and More

So Sean and I continue to see each other, dinners, concerts, and quiet evenings on a porch or deck. It’s fun and neither of us seem to be in any rush to make it serious. What is interesting is how that fun and relaxation seems to impact the universe. People I know well keep telling me how great I look when nothing has physically changed about me, including that 20 pounds that HAS TO GO!

I’m no cover model but I’m attractive enough that I’ve gotten sufficient attention from men. But as I said in the first of this series, I hadn’t met anyone that I really wanted to spend time with that was available and not a hot mess. Since then, I’ve had several overtures from other men. One is a musician, who actually has a real paying job and is available…the hot mess question remains unanswered and he lives too far away. Another is a writer friend, who only half joking, invited me to move to Western Canada and marry him. I think he wants me for my passport. He is available and may be a hot mess and is definitely too far away. There are others but I want to keep this brief.

So why the sudden attention? I am a believer in the Law of Attraction and, if you’ve read Dark Dealings  (look to your right), in auras. I think that what YOU believe changes your aura and so changes what you attract. The vast majority of people cannot see auras, but they sense them at a very primitive level. It is why, I can meet so many people who will be just friends or not even that. When I met Sean, it was not love at first sight, but there was an instant comfort level that made many things feel easy and familiar for both of us. Perhaps our auras are compatible, perhaps we knew each other in a past life.  That is a discussion for a later post.

I had made a decision when I joined the online dating site, to open myself up (cautiously) to the possibility. Once I was open to that, others seemed to pick up on that and a received more compliments, flirtations, and it extends to my professional life.

I have been asked to be a member of a panel on women’s empowerment, invited to return to my role or more in an annual conference for 2015. My goal of launching my LLC as a full-fledged publishing company is gaining momentum daily. The day job continues to go well, but that is there to pay the bills until the rest of this can replace it. Is everyday glorious…HELL NO. It’s life and it has its bumps small and large.  I look forward to this October panel and am using it as a deadline to see how many of my other goals I can advance by then.

Oh and Sean is a smoker. I don’t smoke and know that is a personal decision. However, he smokes on my front porch and has been informed that if we are still seeing each other come winter, snow or no snow, it’s still the porch. He’s finding out, bit by bit, that I am who I am. I am more comfortable in my own skin than I have ever been. The proviso to that is I will not give up my goals and dreams to suit another.  It’s a package deal. And a pretty great package too, at least I think so. Nor would I ask another to change their dreams and goals for me. The trick is to find a partner who will grow alongside you.

Law of Attraction includes knowing the difference between confidence and arrogance. Confidence is knowing your value; Arrogance is thinking you are more valuable than others and that they should believe it, too. Confidence is knowing you aren't perfect, no one is but you like you for all that you are. You are on your journey and it's towards a more authentic you. I'm on my journey, too.

Dating or anywhere else in your life know your value and you will attract people of value who will recognize a kindred spirit.

More updates next week on Sean and other topics.

If you missed the previous entries, feel free to scroll through prior posts to catch up.

Jumping Back In: Jameson, Burgers and Blarney

So when last we spoke, I had cancelled dinner with Dinner Guy because my father’s home health aide cancelled at the last moment. He was polite and supported taking care of Dad first. There was no indication of a follow-up from him. Hey, it’s online dating…next.

Then the following day, he messages to see how things went with my father and how about we try again on Monday.  So on Saturday I met diner guy for lunch and on Sunday, I met Starbucks Guy. To see how those went, see my previous blog.

Monday rolls around and I stop at my father’s place. The aide is supposed to be there at 5. 5:05 and no aide…not panicking. 5:10, 5:15…

This cannot be happening AGAIN. I’m supposed to meet him at 6:00 at a pub 30 minutes away.

5:19… I see what may be the new aide headed across the parking lot. Thank the universe it’s her. I make sure they are squared away and jet to my car. I text him, I’m on my way. I feel like the White Rabbit at this point….

He messages back that he is running a bit late and will be there by 6:15. I breathe a massive sigh of relief.

It’s a beautiful evening and town is packed even for a Monday. But we score a table outside and it’s 2 for 1 burger night and the burgers are great.  So Sean (Dinner guy needs a name at this point) is older than me and a widower for over two years. Hmmmm, note to self: If I am invited to his house check the basement and yard for anomalous mounds while holding tight to car keys. It is online dating afterall. No screening for serial killers that I could see,

Sean isn’t his real name. But his face is the map of Ireland. No surprise, both his parents came from Donegal. He is the baby of 13 and from the town next to the one I grew up in. He attended one of the corresponding boys’ high schools. The two towns had, back then, three all-girl high schools and three all-boy high schools. I used to go to dances at his high school but he had graduated by then.

Sean orders Jameson Whiskey (what a surprise) and I order a glass of wine. By the time the waitress has brought his first drink, he has charmed her socks off… we are in public after all. I’m already laughing. A bit if the Blarney, methinks.  It’s relaxed and downright comfortable.

Dinner was great and we sat on my front porch having a nightcap and talking for hours. But it was a work night so it was left at next time…

Potential? Or big brother?

And what happens to you when you have the confident glow that actually connecting with someone brings? There are other fish in the sea,,,right?

Later folks….. Places to go, people to see.

Jumping Back In: How to Score or not.

In online dating, at least the site I joined, there are various levels of connecting. I see them as levels of interest or not. How do you score a win? Here is my rather unscientific assessment.

Viewed your profile…okay but that doesn't mean you actually read it         0 points

Liked your picture… That's nice, but shallow     0 points

Send a "Flirt"…that's a click of a mouse      0 points

Liked your profile.. This implies you read it. Benefit of the doubt,      1 point.

Send a message (generic)…the verbal equivalent of the flirt. No thought, just a copy and paste feel. But requires slightly more effort than a flirt or a like so    1 point

Send a message (personal). Refer to something in my profile and ask a 

question about me.       3 points (1 for each part if this)

Again and again it is attention to detail, attention to the person. On the other hand, as a mature woman I am still hesitant to be overly "bold" even online. So I may like and sometimes be the first to send a comment. Yes I know, it's still a double standard. But at least I'm honest about it.

If you score, a conversation will begin on the site.

Please however, don't immediately give me your phone number in the second message. Part of the appeal of these sites is that you can chat back and forth in a private chat room. Again, it is a sad comment on the world we live in, that I will not exchange numbers until I have decided there are no overt signs that you are a stalker, scammer, serial killer or married.

Okay so he scored high, you got to the second round of messages, you're good to go, right?

Not necessarily: A MAJOR POINT DEDUCTION/PENALTY:

I reported a man on the site as a scammer. This man messaged me and began to engage in a conversation. He claimed to be high-ranking officer in the US military based in Baghdad. But his written English was less than stellar particularly for such a high rank. He peppered me with questions, which since the red flags were starting to fly, I answered in generalities. He was cagey when I turned the questions back to him.

Google is a wonderful tool. I searched the name he had given and was led immediately to an online dating scammer site that had comments from quite a few women that mirrored my chat with this man to that point. The thread indicated that he ultimately was looking for money.

I called him out on it (although I was sure) and he feigned being offended. I blocked him and reported it along with the link to the scammer page to the webmasters for the dating site.

I am sure this is not the rule. And I did not cancel my profile, but this is social media and scamming scum are on every site. No different than the sleaze you may risk meeting in the 3D world.

So the caveat to this post, is even if on first blush, he scores (same for you gents when meeting ladies) do NOT jump in too quickly. A toe in the water is fine to start with.

Please be sure to visit the prior posts in this series.

Next week: Any success?    Writer Wednesday a review of Ivy Vines, Visions 

Jumping Back In: Pictures Worth a Thousand Words Even Selfies

So this is a day late and NO it's not because I scored a big date on the dating site. Although I have been introduced to one or two who look good on paper. And hey, GREAT for them for getting that far. It's not that I'm fussy. Sure you say, laughing and shaking your head.

I was at an amazing Jazz and Blues festival on the Jersey Shore all day. A terrific day of music, food, fun and friends!

Lots of pictures were taken, which brings me back to my original topic.

PICTURES!

First, gentleman post one. Not being superficial here, but no picture makes me wonder what you are hiding or more importantly, WHO you are hiding from. Is that status of divorced, separated, or widowed to be trusted? Come one, none of us were born yesterday. Now posting a picture doesn't automatically get you a free pass on status, but not posting….RED FLAG.

Second, post a good RECENT picture of yourself. Yes we all may have gained a few pounds over the winter and we all wish we looked like we did when we were 30. But, truth in advertising saves you issues later. Again, if you meet that person in 3D at some point and their first thought is WOW, not what I expected. That will make them wonder, what else is not what they are expecting?

When you post a picture, make it a good one. Everyone has had a picture taken by a family member or friend that they liked, right? I know, I don't like most of the pictures taken of me EVER. But even I could find one or two that I thought weren't horrible.

Okay...maybe not that one.

No selfies in a mirror, or behind the wheel of your vehicle, or any other location.

Also, if you're opening lines say you are a happy fun-loving sort. For goodness sake, be sure you are smiling in your picture.

Again as an author and editor,  a good cover gets someone to pick up the book and open it to see if it's a keeper.

A good picture with a nice smile will make a person want to go to the next step and read that awesome and revealing profile you posted. You are revising it or even writing one now, I hope.

Jumping Back In #1                               Jumping Back In #2

Next week: The hierarchy of contact…the new first base!